Fatherhood

Whether you blame it on high profile celebrities like Gweneth Paltrow or a more basic, narcissistic need to make one’s child “unique,” you can’t deny that atypical names have become the norm. From Apple Paltrow to Thijs Lauer, our nation’s preschools are populated with kids just begging for a beating. Daisy Carrington at The New York Observer examined this trend in New York City, and what she found was a laundry list of odd names. It’s really got to stop.

I understand a parent’s desire to instill individuality in their kid, but naming her after a character from Lord of the Rings (Eowyn) isn’t the way to do it, and will only cause trouble. First of all, no one will ever be able to spell that. You’re handing her a lifetime of frustration, as every bank teller, phone operator, receptionist, etc. she ever encounters will require her to patiently spell her name, letter by letter. She’ll also hear “Well, that’s an unusual name” so many times that the very words will make her nauseous. And don’t even get me started on how tolerant of differences middle school kids are.

What ever happened to Ruth, Lisa, Sarah or Erin? What about Billy, Sam, Jack or Adam? These are good, solid, classic names. If Sam and Adam are coming over to build a new deck on the back of your house, you know it’ll be done right. If Mitra and Geir show up, power tools in hand, you decide against a deck all together.

Maybe I’m just showing my own prejudices, but I’d rather hang out with Susan and Tommy any day. How about you?

“William, I’m going to spit on you!”

My daughter, who is three, is screaming in the playroom. She and her brother are each gripping a child-sized shopping cart full of plastic groceries. William is saying, “NO!” and pulling on the cart, unmoved by his sister’s treat.

“You’d better not spit on him,” I announce from the kitchen. “But he…” The rest of what she said doesn’t matter, as I’ve heard it before. The vocabulary may change, but the message does not: Get us out of this house.

We live in a coastal community, and summertime means trips to the beach, the playground, the aquarium and so on. Long, hazy days keep the kids occupied and exhaust their little muscles. It’s glorious.

But right now it’s January. New England January. With the temperatures in the teens, we haven’t seen outdoors in quite a while. This makes everyone edgy. You need to be prepared for those long days indoors. Here’s some things we’ve done.

1. Bring out old toys. Every three months or so, my wife and I move the toys that aren’t seeing any action to the basement. Then we bring them back up, and swap out a different set of toys. The kids always go nuts to see the old toys again, and you can get a good week out them.
2. Plan a time-consuming, gross motor activity. Build a fort in the livingroom. Set up an obstacle course with sofa cushions, laundry baskets…you name it. Design and play a board game (think simple: “Candyland” and matching derivatives do well).
3. Have them “help” with chores. I know this sounds like a ridiculous proposal, but even giving my 1 year old William a stack of laundry to “fold” makes him very happy (plus, I actually get something done).

Your mileage may vary, of course, so good luck. (Incidentally, you can find ideas much better than mine at Kiddley). As for the incident with the shopping cart…No actual spitting took place. This time.

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