Fatherhood

I think it important to remember that mothers aren’t the only ones who have to deal with a new child. Dads often keep their feelings covered up. It’s hard to lose control of your house and life without suffering some emotional issues.

Sometimes men feel that the new baby is taking too much of their partners time. Or they may feel that once the baby is off to sleep that their partner shows little interest in them. What is worse is when you partner blames you for the struggles shes having with the baby.

What really takes the cake, is when your partner is suffering from Post-Natal Depression, and you bottle up your feelings so no to upset her. Who cares about whether you are coping?

Many factors can contribute to these feelings. The most common are: fear of fatherhood or worries related to new responsibilities and loss of freedom, financial concerns or stress over added expenses and worries about whether his current salary will be sufficient, and role anxieties such as asking, “Will I be a good father? Will I father like my father did?”

Over at Babycenter, they’ve got some great advice on this topic. The web has always been a great place to discover there are lots of people dealing with the same struggles as you, and that you’re not alone….

fatherhood, new dad, post natal depression, emotion

There’s a great article in how to explain the concept of money to your kids on the FQ magazine website, over here in the UK.

It explains how children’s average pocket money (allowance) rose by 35 percent in one year, between 2004 and 2005. Would you say no to a 35 percent rise at work. Would your boss laugh you right out of the office???

What do your kids do to get their allowance. Do they have to do chores? Get good grades?

Do you use their allowance as a discipline tool? What if they don’t do their chores?

I think that you should make their allowance just enough so they can save for what they want. If its too much, and you also sub them too often, they might be unable to cut back when they have to control their own finances when they move out on their own. They should also learn to make the most of what they’ve got. If they have some old toys or playstation games, either donate them to charity of sell them on something like ebay, and give them to proceeds to put towards something they want.

As well as teaching the value of the items they have, it also helps to control the clutter in the home.

Read more of the article here.

allowance, fatherhood, pocket money, chores, discipline

I often sit aimlessly staring at the page (or screen), trying to break through the ‘writers’ block.

As an adult, I have reams of experiences and stories to tell, but I quite often find that my adult mind often puts the brakes on very early in any writing I attempt. It’s a form of self-censorship I suppose, and can be really frustrating.

As a teenager I didn’t have this block, and my mind was free to go off on endless tangents. No point, No meaning, sometimes I would write about anything for hours. I never struggled to get the words out, but rather down, as my handwriting couldn’t keep up and got progressively more messy as I got older. I just wish the had been the home PCs we have today in the Eighties, so others could have enjoyed my writing.

How do you write? Do your kids have the same problem with getting the words down? Or concentrating? I’ve found that what you need sometimes is an open mind and some focus.

Over at FictionScribe, JM posts a lot of articles about writing. Personally, I like the exercises best. One of the current series asks writers to do 200 words, and submit them to the site, if you dare, where the readers will comment and add some feedback.

creative writing, fatherhood, homework, school days

Isn’t it great when your child brings home a certificate from school? I am so proud of my daughter, who brought home a ‘teacher helper’ certificate for being helpful in class today.

You feel that your time spent helping with homework has been helpful. You are proud of your child for exhibiting good behavior, completing a task, or going above and beyond what was expected.

Homework is always a matter of pride for the parent, but sometimes embarrassment for the child. You have to remember it’s their homework, not yours. You’re not being judged on your work, your kids are.

A lot of teachers I know set homework for two main reasons. Firstly, it’s so parents are aware of topics being covered at school, and to help the children practice what they’ve just learned. The second reason is that there are only so many teaching hours in the day, and by the time the kids have settled down its almost time for the next class. Homework helps to keep the children on track, but also give feedback to the teacher of who might be struggling with a particular topic.

It also helps to develop good independent study habits. These will be really useful come college, where if they don’t do the work, they’ll just flunk out.

You can help your child most by providing a good area to work. It can be as simple as a cleared dining table, a desk, or even a trip to the library. You need to ensure there’s adequate and suitable lighting, and minimal distractions. If you have other older or younger children, make sure that they respect the fact that there should be quiet, for suitable amount of time.

The BBC has some great articles about homework here.

fatherhood, homework, school, help at school, study skills

I am a great supporter of Getting Things Done, the time management system developed by David Allen. I use it pretty much all the time to keep up to date with the stuff which must be done in my daily life.

I was surprised to hear that the education system, both in the UK and in North America, put little emphasis on time management. Perhaps its because students time is micro-managed by the school system. When your kids finish school, you have expectations as a parent that they will be prepared for the ‘real’ world, as we like to call it.

Quite often though, they’re not. They don’t understand how to manage their finances, so we keep having to bail them out. They don’t manage their time, and often spend too much time socializing and not enough studying.

Brian Kim, who’s blog is a great source of information on productivity recently wrote an article on the topic,’The Top 5 Things that Should be Taught in Every School‘ which has ellicited a large response. Do you agree??

Even something as basic as creating a simple budget is beyond the grasp of some young adults and it simply amazes me that a lot of people don’t do this and some don’t even know how (you’d be surprised). Figure out your income after taxes, pay yourself FIRST (this is a big one – most people pay the bills and frivolously spend the leftovers until next payday), see what you can cut out if things are tight, look to see where you can bring in more income if you need to do so, etc.

fatherhood, finances, time management, gtd, productivity

So, you’ve got your first child off to kindergarten, and you’ve decided you don’t want a second yet, but you might later. What are you going to do with all the baby stuff?

Well, first you’ll have a load of stuff that was unsuitable, which you can just sell or give away. Donate It!

You might have some handed down family gear, like a crib or basinette, which will need to be cleaned and put into storage. Keep It!

You’ll also have some things that you’ve used so much they’ve worn out, like the stroller. Trash It!

Last though, you’ll have some items which you will need to replace if you have more kids. Replace It!

For us, this included the crib mattress (you should aways buy new, they don’t cost much), some clothing (girls don’t suit GI Joe Jammy’s) and the car seat.

The reasons for replacing our car seat were threefold. First, a better one became available. Second, the cloth seat cover got a bit mildewy in the attic. And lastly, safety belts only have one big stretch in them. If you’ve had a lot of use, or have the misfortune of an accident, the belts will be slack, and the buckle may have worn.

You’ll feel like me that every one of your children deserves the best you can give. But that doesn’t mean spending load of hard-earned cash on name brands. What you are looking for is quality, and cost per use.

Look for items on sale at the end of line, just because its last years stroller doesn’t mean its any different underneath. Quite often some of the major brands (of our stuff, it was Mama’s and Papa’s) just change the fabric pattern on the accessories, and the product underneath is the same for years.

Don’t forget you’ll need some black trash bags, some labels or tape you can write on, a permanent marker or two, oh and yes, some uninterupted time…

Take your time, one really good idea is to offer use of the bulky stuff to your friends with kids, with the understanding that it is a loan.

Good Luck !

fatherhood, storage ideas, clutter

As a father, I really can understand the anguish of men who may never know that they have children. As people fall in and out of love, then move around for work, they will lose touch with old partners and friends. The search for lost family members has always been a popular reason for people to investigate the internet.

I’ve found a great article posted by a new blogger, Rambling B-Dad, about the joy that comes from contact with a lost or adopted child.

In regards to dads searching – today is my sons birthday, the first one that I have been able to send him a card and a present, the first that I have been able to call him and wish him a good day, the first that my mind hasn’t been wondering where he is, how he is doing!

He suggests that since the mother has the say over whether their children are put up for adoption, most adopted children aim to find their birth mother, to bring a little closure to their experience.

My son’s B-mom talked to him for the first time on a Saturday for 3 hours, I talked to him briefly the next night and for two hours the next Saturday. It was like a fairy tale, something that is only dreamed about or read in storybooks, something that you don’t think will ever happen in your life.

Good luck for the future, Rambling B-Dad…:)

adoption, fathers, birthfathers,

Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund

April 16, 2007, will be remembered as one of the darkest days in the history of the Virginia Tech community and the world beyond.

To remember and honor the victims of those tragic events, the university has established the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund to aid in the healing process and generate financial support.

The fund will be used to cover expenses including but not limited to:

• Grief counseling
• Memorials
• Communication expenses
• Comfort expenses
• Incidental needs

If you plan to give, please click the link below:

The concept of the start over dad (SOD) is a complex one. With the high rate of divorce and separation nowadays, and an increase in both credit and disposable income, some couples are waiting until later in their lives for children.

The start over dad already has kids from a previous relationship, who are already in their late teens or twenty’s. Then he has a child with his new partner. Although he might have experience of bringing up kids, his former partner may have been much more involved with their upbringing than he was.

The most positive aspect of SOD’s is that most people have more financial wealth the older they get. They shouldn’t struggle with financial worries.

The main issue for me is that by the time the child reaches college, their parents will no longer be earning. In a previous post I mentioned that the cost of college for a child born in 1999 will be approx. $200,000. This could put a serious dent in your pension and personal wealth, and could reduce the help you could give your kids when they start a family.

Another 451 Press writer, Erinn, over at ParentingOurChildren.com, has posted a great article about Start Over Dads.

Doesn’t a woman have a right to have a child with her husband no matter what his age? Women are having babies later in life now also.
I am very interested in what you think about SODs.
Do you think it is right/wrong?

start over dad, older fathers, fatherhood, in the news

Hey, look out, further to my Tuesday Rant, I’ve found proof of Dads doing exactly what they say they will.

Last fall, Richard Jubinville and Tim Foulds told the boys if their Norwood Falcons were to win the Winnipeg A2 championship, they would dress in drag for a mid-afternoon walk on the busy thoroughfare.

Guess which team won?

This article by Ross Romaniuk in the Winnipeg Sun shows the two dads in question walking down the said main street.

dads in dresses, kids hockey, fatherhood

I thought I might just have a rant today. I really couldn’t decide on a proper topic for this article so I’m going to wing it.

Dr Phil has always said, in personal relationships, people do what works. If it works for you to bully your kids, because they never say anything back, or wouldn’t dare, you continue, because that works for you.

If your Dad can’t understand why something he’s done has upset you, and you just let it slide, but are still livid about it, it has worked for him.

If your child says a word which you feel is inappropriate, and you give them some consequences for the next time, and they still do it, and you don’t carry out their punishment, it works for them.

The main points to make sure this doesn’t happen are:

1. If you say that a certain course of action will have consequences you must follow through. Don’t give out punishments if you can’t stick to them. Make it something they’ll miss, like a favorite toy, but not need, like dinner.

2. They should only get the forfeit back when they have earned it. Stop their allowance and assign values to the items you’ve confiscated. That way they’ll only start to get a reward, their allowance, when they show consistent good behavior.

3 Make sure you make these kinds of decisions with the child’s other care-givers. That way you can all be consistent.

Good Luck !

dr phil, fatherhood, discipline, naughty, punishment

You know what it’s like, the game is about to start, your team will be in the playoffs if they win, and you walk into the living room, chips in a bowl and a cold beer, and you’re met with DORA THE EXPLORER.

Your kid has been watching the TV for hours, giving up food, taking toilet breaks during the commercials.

The episode has just started, Dora and Boots have to help a ‘poor purple burro’.

What do you do? Your options seem to be:

1. Send you kid away, crying, and settle down to watch the game.
2. Try, unsuccessfully, to persuade same kid that football is much more interesting than Dora. See 1.
3. Take your snacks and beer to a friends house.

But wait, there’s another option! PVR Dora!

If you get you child to learn how to use your personal video recorder (PVR), they can record their own shows, and watch them while its convenient to you. Instead of saying ‘thats it, turn it off, time to go to school’(or t-ball, or church, or whatever), you can say, ‘we need to go now, record that for later?’. I often use recorded programs while I’m getting the dinner ready. I know that the program will hold their interest and keep them occupied.

The best thing about the PVR is the time it can save. Instead of riding the sofa waiting to find a show to watch, you only have to spend a few minutes a week programming in your shows. You can avoid re-runs (just delete them), and keep up to date with a series, especially if it’s complicated story like 24, or Lost, or my current favorite, Heroes.

You can watch TV when YOU want to watch it, and skip the ads if you want to.

And lastly, if your kids are a bit sensitive, or you’re concerned about what they might be watching, you can exercise the control.

pvr, heroes, tv, remote, technology

Over at About.com they have great articles on Fatherhood. This is a 10 question quiz where you can see whether you idea of how fatherhood will be measures up to most fathers realities.

Find Out How Prepared You Are to Be a Father

As men near the stage of life where families and children become important, there can be lots of angst over whether now is the time to start a family. Take this quiz and find out how ready you are emotionally to take on the challenge of fatherhood.

It also gives a little quick insight into the kind of sacrifices Dads make, and the changes in priorities which occur when you become a Dad.

Let me know how you get on….

Click Here To Take The Quiz

fatherhood, new dad, quiz, dad

Just a few of the many Dad blogs out there, these seem to be fairly active…

www.moderndaydad.com
New School Dad, Old School Job.

thisdadblogs.blogspot.com
One Wife, Four Daughters, One Bathroom, That says it All…

daddytypes.com
Daddy Types, The Weblog For New Dads

www.daddydrama.com
Lots of Cool Stuff for Dads.

www.ilovemybaby.com
Lots of Info For Dads, and Moms as well…

www.dadviser.com
411 for Fathers

websites, fatherhood, dads, baby, blogs

If only Steve Jobs could build a real one… perhaps not,but I reckon Honda may build one first. Hey, it could even take kids round that museum it seems to like so much.