Fatherhood

As stated on my other blog, I was reading about the beating of a small boy who wet his bed. I do not understand that. The child may be a deep sleeper and not have woken up by the urge to go. How can the parent’s do something like that?
How about if the situation was reversed? Would the parent like to suffer like the child? How dare the parents abuse that child! That extends far beyond the need to exert control and establish discipline.
What has happened to compassion within the framework of the family unit? If you know the child wets his or her bed there are a couple of options.
One is to wake up really early, say about three in the morning and rouse the child up and put him or her on the potty. Or if you choose to ignore that, then place a large garbage bad, fully extended and place it under the sheets. That way the mattress does not get wet. You do not beat the child!
I am still in a state of confusion on how some people become parents. While I do not believe in a “test” to ascertain whether or not you would make a good parent, something needs to be done. I do not have a reasonable suggestion, as I do not want the government or the state to intervene. That do that enough already. There has to be a balance when it comes to disciplining your child. Too much and it is considered abuse, too little and you spoil the child. Where is the happy medium?
Does anyone have an answer to that?

Each and every morning my wife calls me about our daughter. Since I am the one who changes her, clothes her and makes her breakfast, and then takes her to daycare/school, I am the one that fills her in on her behavior.
I usually relate how what time she got up, the cute or bad things she did, what she ate for breakfast and a host of other things that are relevant.
Today, since she got up earlier than normal, I allowed her to watch a little television while she ate breakfast at the dining room table. However, she was glued to the set and I constantly had to bring her down to earth and tell her to eat as her school curriculum starts at a certain time.
One such time when I told her to eat, she blurted “Me am daddy, me am.” She said it a little too meanly for my taste. She is getting the disposition of my wife. I told her not to talk to me that way. She looked at me and asked if I was mad. I told her that I was not mad; I just want to make sure she goes to school on time.
Without further incident, she ate her breakfast and we proceeded to her school. When my wife called this morning, an idea formed in my mind. I told my wife that Caris was an A- this morning. Therefore, without further ado, I am going to rate my child’s behavior in my daily reportage to my wife. I think that the rating system will help better establish to my wife how our daughter was on any particular morning. I could expound on it and rate her behavior whenever I watch her. I like the idea.

A while back, while my wife and I were at a restaurant, our daughter told us she had to potty. My wife suggested I take her into the men’s room. I was dubious as I had never done that before.
I walked hand in tiny hand with her to the restroom and was looking at my surroundings to make sure I knew where we were sitting. (Since I am directionally dysfunctional.)
I nonchalantly glanced down to my daughter’s eyes and she was looking up at me smiling, total trust in her eyes, as they should be.
When we ingressed the bathroom, there was a table that you could turn down that allowed you to change your child right there.
It was near the front of the bathroom and anyone that entered (and there was several) could watch me change my daughter’s diaper. I cringed. I noticed all the guys looking at me, which is to be expected, but I thought to myself. What if one of them is taking more than a casual glance? Chances are they are not. BUT, you just never know. The thought repulsed me to my core. Needless to say, I changed her in a hurry and left. As we were walking back to our table, I wondered. I surveyed the room and looked at everyone within my range of vision. How can someone detect deviance in a person? Do you judge people by the way they dress, their mannerism? The simple answer is you cannot. There is no detection, that I know about, that will allow safety. You have to keep your child close to you at all times and it is very sad to think like that.
When I got back to our table, I told my wife that I would change our girl’s diaper anytime at our house or any other house with people we know, but I will not, WILL NOT, change our daughter again in the men’s public bathroom. I explained my reasoning and she agreed.
I know I might be melodramatic, but I will not take any unnecessary risks when it comes to my little girl. Does anyone agree or disagree with my opinion?

How often does your child refuse to help around the house? My wife and I decided a long time ago that as soon as she can grasp the cleaning up after yourself process, that she would help cleaning up her own mess.
It was around two that we initiated it. Some of our family members told us it was too young to start. I asked them when it was too old to start? If you do not start young, you are going to have a heck of a time telling him or her when they are older. By the time they are five their personalities are well established. If they have never been shown or taught how to clean up their own mess, it makes it that much harder.
At first we make it a game and help her with her mess. As she gets a little older we are gradually incorporating that she cleans up most of her mess. Eventually she will have to clean up all of her messes. Will she be happy and want to do it? Of course not! She cries and cries. BUT, I would rather have her cry now then take a temper tantrum later on. That would be unacceptable. Moreover, she learns responsibility. She will come to understand her actions will have consequences. (I do not want to sound like I am a mean father, I am told I am a softie. I am, up to a certain point, and then she must abide with what I tell her.)
At this juncture, I have labeled her messes. From a tropical storm to categories of hurricanes. I look at her mess and tell my wife and daughter that it is a tropical storm Caris, or a category five Caris. The latter suggests that the whole place is a disaster area.
I wonder if anyone else does the same thing.

Children love to think and explore. I try to foster my child’s creativity. This morning whilst I was dressing her for school, I noticed she was gazing at our stucco ceiling. I thought to myself that this would be a great opportunity to see how she thinks. I asked her if she saw any pictures on the ceiling. (Because I know I do, but I possess a vivid imagination.)
She said no, and then she gave a few seconds of ponderous thought and suddenly yelled out, “Cheese daddy!” Cheese?? Well, okay then, cheese it is. Where on God’s good green earth she saw cheese really did not matter. What mattered is she took the time (albeit, only a few seconds) and actually contemplated it. I went along with it to illustrate to her what a great job she did. Moreover, her musings were played out at the dinner table one evening.
Since I am the only one at home that has a goatee (thankfully), my daughter would play a game about it. I call it word association, but you can decide what label it falls under.
Let me backtrack for a moment. The game I will explain to you was played for literally months before we could decipher what word she was using, and I found out the word by accident.
She would say to my wife, “Mommy goatee?” And we would say in unison, “No”. Then she would go around the table and asked me if I had a goatee. Not knowing in the beginning what the heck she was saying, I played along and said no. Then I would ask my little girl if she had (Here I used what word she was using that was far removed from goatee) and she would say yes and then would belly laugh. It was her laugh that was funny, not the fact that I was clueless about what she was laughing about.
Then one day, a few months later, I picked her up to put her in the car seat and she felt my goatee and used the word from the game we were playing, and then it dawned on me what she meant.
Sometimes when children first learn words, you cannot correct them or praise them if you have no clue as to the word being said.
I ask her to point to the object or repeat the word. Oftentimes she gets frustrated with me and displays impatience. I think that she thinks I should know what she is talking about. Ah, the virtues of being a parent.
She has other musings. The other day she saw a fake pumpkin in our house. (No, we have not put all of the Halloween stuff back in storage yet.) She told me it was a pumpkin and she told me that I was a pumpkin. I paraphrased it back to her and she told me yes. So that night all she would call me was pumpkin and thought it was funny.
You have to love children and their musings.
On my other blog I speak about my musings. check it out.

What, exactly is being a father all about? My simple definition is: If you ever have been peed on, pooped on, drooled on, thrown up on and cried on. There are more and I am more than sure mom’s will tell you that that has happened to them too. In this forum, I am discussing fatherhood. I realize mom’s usually take the brunt of most of the things I spoke about.
Being a father entails more than cleaning up after your child. It can become more difficult as your child gets older. It will be a sad day when I realize that my daughter will know math better than myself. She may end up teaching me on different subject matters.
Moreover, I am making her aware of books and their power. A nightly ritual is to be on our bed and my wife and I take turns reading her books. Every once in a while we tell her to read us one of her books. I have even seen her on the couch reading a book. Reading is knowledge and that in turn is power. I will foster her love for books. That is one of the things I do being a father.
Another one is discipline. I invoke it just as much as my wife. I believe in telling your child how things are done around the house without being mean or derogatory. I have a previous post discussing that topic.
Another example of being a father is doing activities with her. If she wants to play dolls, this dad is going to. If she wants me to watch her favorite TV show, I will. If she wants to play fight with me while being Superman and me being Spiderman, then so be it. I want to generate a bond with her. I want her to know that I love her and support her.
Being a father helps me to understand her and learn from her too. It is a two way process. I enjoy spending all the time I can with her.
Being a father is something I take seriously and with great pride.

My daughter is almost three. She will be three in February. She really has not displayed much of the terrible two syndrome until recently. When she does something wrong, and knows it wrong, she will run away from me. When I finally catch up to her, I ask her if she wants to get into trouble and wants a time out. She will either shake her head yes or tell me yes.
I know full well that she understands me. We have had that conversation before. Up until recently it has always been no, she does not want to get into trouble or sit in time out.
What has happened to my little girl? Apparently, she is growing up and learning to test her boundaries. At almost three, I will not give her much boundaries to thwart or wrest control from me. Now is the pinnacle time to set boundaries and have children understand that the parents rule the house and not the other way around.
Much to often I see the opposite. The child controls the parent. That scenario occurs especially in stores. I cannot believe my eyes sometimes when I see the child yelling and screaming and the parent trying to talk to the child. You know what? When that happens to my child, I take her butt out of the store and either go home, or wait in the car with her until my wife is done shopping. I will not put up with that. You, as a parent, do not have to. YOU are in charge.
And you do not have to be mean, or punish your child all the time to get results. Just be firm and CONSISTENT. Consistency is the key.
Another thing that irks me is when I see children wandering aimlessly at the stores or on a street. Where the hell are their parents? I make damn sure I know where my daughter is at all times. When we are at a store, she is not allowed more than a few feet from me. Am I being overly protective? You bet. It takes no time at all for a child to be abducted. Think it cannot happen to you? Get real. Anything can happen.
As she gets older I will let her have her space, but she has to prove to me that she is responsible. It is imperative to keep your children at bay until they master the steps in knowing what to do, should a situation arise.

Having a sick child can cause the environment in your home to change. It makes you more attune to the germs that are spread, the way your child is feeling and the overall mood of the home.
My daughter was coughing a great deal these past few days. She had a sinus infection. She gets them all the time. Usually the doctor prescribes an ant biotitic for ten days and leaves it at that. This time we wanted to find the underlying cause of it. The doctor gave us ant biotitic for twenty days. After that period of time, my daughter is going to get an x-ray done of her anodes. I hope to god we can solve why she gets sick all the time.
Additionally, she is allergic to soy. Do you know how many products on the market today contain soy? Literally millions! It’s hard to construct a suitable diet for her. The side benefit is that she eats healthier. Despite that kind of diet costing more because you have to buy “organic” food, it is worth it to have a healthy child.
My daughter’s is health is my primary concern. It kills me to listen to her cough and having to blow her nose fifty times within a few hour period. Nevertheless, I will do everything in this Father’s power to ensure she gets well.
I know there are far more sick children out there than my little girl is. Children with cancer or another illness, and it breaks my heart to see it. I have donated to a local children’s hospital because my empathy extends beyond my household. I can only imagine what other parent’s are going through. Sometimes it can be a cruel world out there. Sometimes one might think of why their, or any other, child must suffer. I do not have a general response. Theological implications would warrant a look, but that is not for me to write about. All I want is my daughter, and everyone else’s child to get better.

Each and every morning when I am home and not at work, I take my daughter to the daycare/school. There is where she spends most of the day until one of us picks her up.
Caris is so used to me being there in the morning for her that when I am not, she asks my wife where I am. I make her breakfast and give her something to drink and just watch in amazement how much she has grown. She eats, looks at me and tells me something or she asks something. There is usually never a dull moment with her.
The early morning regiment is something I look forward to. I can spend quality time with her and use that time as a father daughter bonding time.
I do not allow the television to be on despite her consistently asking me. I want quiet time and time to share with her. She can watch her favorite television shows when she gets home from daycare. As for the morning, it is our time.
I came home from work this morning after being out all of last night. When she heard the door opening, she ran to the stairs and bellowed my name. What better way to come home from a brutal night of working??
Thankfully, my wife had her dressed already so all I had to do was drop her off. While I did not get to spend some quality time this morning, I know there will be plenty of other times.

On a side note, I have another website. Please check it out. Usually it covers the broad spectrum of human interest.
Click here

Thanks!
George

As my daughter gets older (not far from being three), I notice that her imagination is developing. It is influenced by her parents, the tv shows we allow her to watch and the books we read to her.
Last night she donned a dish towel that we had drapped on the refrigerator. She asked me to put it on her like a cape. I knew what she wanted because she kept calling her self Superman. I told her she was a girl and she should be Supergirl. She was chasing me calling me Spiderman. I let her drop me to the floor and pretended to wrestle with her. She continued calling me Spiderman. The dish towel on her was soooo cute that my wife had to take a couple of pictures.
What precipatated that incident was halloween. I had dressed up as Spiderman and I presume that left an impression on her.
Her knowledge of superheroes is limited, but influenced by me since I have over fifteen hundred of them. She knows only of few of the main heroes by name. She does know that they are good people. I instill good attributes concerning them and let her imagination take over. I was quite surprised when she wanted to have a cape. I did not know she even noticed Superman had one. Perhaps her power of observation is better than I thought. I know her thoughts are developing. She now verbally participates in some of the shows she watches. Some of the shows she watches are interactive which allows her to partake. It forces her (in a good way) to look at the characters, understand and interpret their meaning and respond.
Moreover, some of the other shows we limit her watching has no participation and is inanne. I would rather watch her grow in contemplation, comprehension and the augmentation of her creativity. If that show does not match one, if not all, of my qualifications, then I suggest to her that she looks at one of her books or I would read a few to her. She always prefers the latter one. She likes when my wife and I read to her. We make it a nightly ritual to read to her. That helps her foster her curiousity and knowledge.
I hope everyone takes the time to help their child grow through reading, watching the proper shows and limiting their time watching tv.

George

My mother-in-law fits the criteria that I deem important as a father. She has my daughter’s pictures spread across the expanse of her home from my little girl’s humble beginning to the most recent.
My mother-in-law will watch Caris anytime we request and have spent many a night over there. On occasion, my wife and I go on dates and my mother-in-law always watches my little girl.
Additionally, she provides sage advice to the handling of situations that I am not familiar with. You can talk to my mother-in-law and she will always listen and she will endow us with support however, and whenever she can.
One of the most important attributes, as a father, that I find so endearing about her is her non-interference policy toward my relationship with my wife, and my daughter. When she does dispense her opinion, I will give her my full attention because of the respect I have for her.
This is not a suck up game. I do not play games like that. Sincerity runs deep in my core and I have long ago learned to appreciate people.
Nurturing a relationship with anyone, especially in laws can be difficult when different personas intertwine. Sometimes the cultivation is worth it, sometimes not. First impressions are often lasting impressions. My first impression of my mother-in-law was that she truly cared about her daughter and would do anything to protect her. She showed immediate respect for me and soon after; we were cutting up and having a good time.
As a father, I am proud to have my mother-in-law. She makes a wonderful in law, mother and grandma.
I am sure there are many women out there that fit the bill I have spoken about in this blog. While I tend to be biased, I can recognize a good grandma when I see one.

Recently my daughter has been telling me that people like her. She told me her best friend at daycare liked her. Her teacher liked her. It became more widespread. I was wondering what was going on since I constantly told her I love her. After two and a half years of being called daddy, the novelty has not worn off. I am a middle aged man who never had children and it is so precious to me to hear that word. (Daddy).
The other day I told her that her grandma loved her and I expected a favorable response. No, she insisted. Grandma liked her. Apparently telling her that they liked you was better than telling her they loved her. An interesting development.
I did not want to undermine telling her I loved her because I feel that is very important. Nowadays I tell her I love her and I like her and a big radiant smile spreads across her face.
A father had to learn by leaps and bounds, just like their child. Every week it seem like I have to decipher something she said or did that I am clueless about. Most of the time asking her what she means, asking her to show what she means, and a great deal more exploratory questions leads to futile results. It takes patience and observation.
However, sometimes when I go to her school/daycare, I can ask the teachers if they know what she is talking about. Roughly half the time they do, half they don’t. Usually there is a story involved that the teacher explains to me which makes sense to what my daughter was talking about. Geez, it takes a lot to be a dad! But I would not trade it for the world. Have a great day everyone!
George

Another PSA from the National Fatherhood Initiative…

dad, light saber duel, fatherhood

As the National Fatherhood Initiative states here:

‘It takes a Man to be a Dad!’

fatherhood, national fatherhood initiative, tarzan

I’ve been keeping an eye on this one for a while but it looks great!!!

Over at ParentHacks.com, they’ve found a great way to help kids who have little help from elsewhere.

They suggest sending any old toys you have to Iraq.

My family does a shoe-box of toys, toiletries, a bit of candy and hats and mittens to Romania every year, and we often fill two boxes as we collect all year.

Do your bit for someone less fortunate…

Find out about Toys to Iraq here. Find out about Samaritan’s Purse (the shoe box scheme) here.

iraq, kids, toy donations, recycling, samaritans purse