Fatherhood

The other night while my wife, Caris and I were eating dinner Caris said something totally out of the blue that made me spit up the water I was drinking. She told us when she gets older her boobies are going to grow big like an egg, open up and then she will have boobies like mommy. After the initial shock wore off I asked her if she heard that at school or did she just make that up. She claims she made it up but I find that hard to believe. Despite the fact that Caris is smart and inquisitive, her analogy seemed out of place for a three year old to make up. Perhaps an older girl at her daycare told her that. Either way, my wife and I laughed out loud for a few minutes.
The next day I got called into work and did not get home until late in the morning so I missed seeing her all day. My wife told me that Caris missed me. I was appreciative that I was missed by her. When she awoke for school or daycare, same thing, she told me that she “missed me so much last night” and she also told me, “I cried when you weren’t home last night daddy.” It tore at my heart but sometimes I am gone for long periods of time with my job.
Additionally, Caris hates to lose. She has to win at every game we play. I will accept that she wins, but eventually she will have to learn that losing is part of the process of life too. No one likes to lose and a lot of emphasis is placed on winning. I understand that concept, but a tell tale sign of maturity is if you lose at something, a grateful exit shows maturity.
One particular game we played she kept on wanting to win. Finally I asked her why she had to be first in a race or beat me in play fighting and any other games we play and she told me it was because she has to win.
Talk about control issues. Then I asked her if it was tough being a kid and she said yes because she wanted to be the boss. And then she told me she was going to be the boss later. I put my foot down on that one.
Hopefully she will learn the merits of playing to win but losing with style and grace because sooner or later even Tiger Woods loses

Some great links for sites with fathers day ideas…

• Cards, crafts, printables and recipes at DTLK Holidays.
• Some really great cards with visual examples at Danielles Space.
• Some cool fathers day origami at Activity Village.
• Soap on a Rope recipe at Suite 101.

Have fun doing these little projects, and remember that its the thought that counts.

fathers day crafts, soap on a rope, origami, fatherhood

There’s a few really important things you should teach your kids how to do.

You can probably think of hundreds more, if you can, leave a comment and we’ll return to this in a later post.

911, kids, emergencies

I’ve just spent the day looking around town for clothes for my 6 year old daughter. What a nightmare!

It seems she is at the point at which the cute kids clothes change to smaller versions of adult fashions. I’m not too happy buying my daughter strappy tops and tunics. She’s a bit of a tom boy, and it doesn’t make good sense if they’ll get ruined in a few wears.

It looks like its another summer in Old Navy t-shirts and Pineapple dance pants for her!

Oh well, at least she has school uniform !

A subject for next time…

clothes, children, pineapple, old navy

When it becomes time to help your kids choose a college, how much choice do you want them to have?

It is really easy to push your kids to go to your old school. They might have visited there already. You might still have friends who live nearby. You know how safe the campus is. Or used to know…

The main considerations these days are;

Does college X do the course I want?
Is college Y near home, or will I have to live on campus? Can I live on campus?
What are the fees, can I get help through scholarships, bursaries, family ?
Will I need to work as well to make ends meet?
How long will it take me to pay off that student loan?
What’s the pastoral care and community like. Is it secure?

Nowadays, you can pretty much go to college in any country and have your qualification recognized worldwide.

Denise Witmer has written a great article about picking a college with your teen…

Begin at the beginning. You can start by asking easily digestible questions: What are your teen’s interests? How do these interests play out as careers? What major would that lead your teen into choosing? What colleges offer that major? What are the pro and cons to each of those colleges? When you and your teen take the time to go through these questions, and answer them thoroughly, you’ll both be confident in the college that is chosen.

college choice, kids, teens, fatherhood

There’s a great article in how to explain the concept of money to your kids on the FQ magazine website, over here in the UK.

It explains how children’s average pocket money (allowance) rose by 35 percent in one year, between 2004 and 2005. Would you say no to a 35 percent rise at work. Would your boss laugh you right out of the office???

What do your kids do to get their allowance. Do they have to do chores? Get good grades?

Do you use their allowance as a discipline tool? What if they don’t do their chores?

I think that you should make their allowance just enough so they can save for what they want. If its too much, and you also sub them too often, they might be unable to cut back when they have to control their own finances when they move out on their own. They should also learn to make the most of what they’ve got. If they have some old toys or playstation games, either donate them to charity of sell them on something like ebay, and give them to proceeds to put towards something they want.

As well as teaching the value of the items they have, it also helps to control the clutter in the home.

Read more of the article here.

allowance, fatherhood, pocket money, chores, discipline

I often sit aimlessly staring at the page (or screen), trying to break through the ‘writers’ block.

As an adult, I have reams of experiences and stories to tell, but I quite often find that my adult mind often puts the brakes on very early in any writing I attempt. It’s a form of self-censorship I suppose, and can be really frustrating.

As a teenager I didn’t have this block, and my mind was free to go off on endless tangents. No point, No meaning, sometimes I would write about anything for hours. I never struggled to get the words out, but rather down, as my handwriting couldn’t keep up and got progressively more messy as I got older. I just wish the had been the home PCs we have today in the Eighties, so others could have enjoyed my writing.

How do you write? Do your kids have the same problem with getting the words down? Or concentrating? I’ve found that what you need sometimes is an open mind and some focus.

Over at FictionScribe, JM posts a lot of articles about writing. Personally, I like the exercises best. One of the current series asks writers to do 200 words, and submit them to the site, if you dare, where the readers will comment and add some feedback.

creative writing, fatherhood, homework, school days

Isn’t it great when your child brings home a certificate from school? I am so proud of my daughter, who brought home a ‘teacher helper’ certificate for being helpful in class today.

You feel that your time spent helping with homework has been helpful. You are proud of your child for exhibiting good behavior, completing a task, or going above and beyond what was expected.

Homework is always a matter of pride for the parent, but sometimes embarrassment for the child. You have to remember it’s their homework, not yours. You’re not being judged on your work, your kids are.

A lot of teachers I know set homework for two main reasons. Firstly, it’s so parents are aware of topics being covered at school, and to help the children practice what they’ve just learned. The second reason is that there are only so many teaching hours in the day, and by the time the kids have settled down its almost time for the next class. Homework helps to keep the children on track, but also give feedback to the teacher of who might be struggling with a particular topic.

It also helps to develop good independent study habits. These will be really useful come college, where if they don’t do the work, they’ll just flunk out.

You can help your child most by providing a good area to work. It can be as simple as a cleared dining table, a desk, or even a trip to the library. You need to ensure there’s adequate and suitable lighting, and minimal distractions. If you have other older or younger children, make sure that they respect the fact that there should be quiet, for suitable amount of time.

The BBC has some great articles about homework here.

fatherhood, homework, school, help at school, study skills