Fatherhood

For the last eight months or so, my wife and I have done just about everything conceivable to entice my daughter to poop in the potty. I even wrote an entry here to voice my frustration on her being obstinate concerning it.
We told her she would get five candies (M&M’s, she loves those) and not one like we did for peeing in the potty, to no avail. We tried explaining to her how big she is and that she should poop in the potty. All of her friends at daycare do it, so why couldn’t she? She told us she was a baby.
I showed her baby pictures we had of her and told her that was her as a baby, and now she is a big girl. That did not work.
Several books my wife and I read suggested leaving her alone and he or she will do it on their terms. That is the strategy we employed. Apparently that paid off.
My girl does things when she is good and ready. She takes her time doing everything. While that may be an admirable trait, when it came to pooping in the toilet, I wanted instant gratification.
I was at work one evening and my wife called me to tell me that Caris went to her and told she had to potty. So my wife put the seat on the toilet. My daughter then told my wife that she was ready to poop in the potty.
When she called me and told me that I was in heaven! It was about time. I was so happy! While at breakfast this morning I told her how happy I was that she pooped in the potty and her face glowed.
Now I hope she continues. I know there will be episodes where she will not make it, but if she applied the effort, then I can’t hold it against her.

I awoke this morning late. It was well past nine and I did not remember my daughter waking my wife and me up. I then realized that she had spent the night at my mother-in-law’s home.
It is always weird when she spends the night at a family member’s home. She is loved by everyone and everyone wants her to stay at their place. Although she hardly ever does, it does seem odd not to be woken up by her.
It is at these times when you learn to appreciate how much she (or he) means to you. Of course I feel blessed to have her, but to really think about it is when there is silence in the house when there is usually playing. She always wants to brush my hair, my wife’s hair and I usually indulge her. Why not? She needs to learn and harness her creative expressions.
I miss her and cannot wait until we pick her up today.
Now it will take a few days to despoil her because, of course, my mother-in-law spoils her. My wife had said several times that her mom was never like that with her. That is a grandma’s prerogative to spoil the child and then they go home.
The smile on my daughter’s face when we see her is priceless.

I received some interesting responses to some of my articles. One of the most responses came from an article I had written about taking my daughter into the men’s restroom.
Most people told me that my fears were unfounded. While I may seem overzealous concerning bringing my daughter into the men’s restroom, I still can’t help feeling the way I feel. It may be wrong, but most of my friends and family agreed with my blog. They said I should be wary. I should feel concerned.
So a balance must be struck. How do you deal with conflicting opinions on a topic that does not come up much? I will go by my opinion, weather it is right or wrong. Despite the feedback I may endure, I feel my daughter’s safety is my primary concern. I may be overreacting, but that is the way it is going to be.
Another response I got was from “The difference between I like you and I love you”. All of the responses, by readers and by family and friends, received positive responses.
All of the articles are written by my observations and my daughter continues to be my source of inspiration.

As stated on my other blog, I was reading about the beating of a small boy who wet his bed. I do not understand that. The child may be a deep sleeper and not have woken up by the urge to go. How can the parent’s do something like that?
How about if the situation was reversed? Would the parent like to suffer like the child? How dare the parents abuse that child! That extends far beyond the need to exert control and establish discipline.
What has happened to compassion within the framework of the family unit? If you know the child wets his or her bed there are a couple of options.
One is to wake up really early, say about three in the morning and rouse the child up and put him or her on the potty. Or if you choose to ignore that, then place a large garbage bad, fully extended and place it under the sheets. That way the mattress does not get wet. You do not beat the child!
I am still in a state of confusion on how some people become parents. While I do not believe in a “test” to ascertain whether or not you would make a good parent, something needs to be done. I do not have a reasonable suggestion, as I do not want the government or the state to intervene. That do that enough already. There has to be a balance when it comes to disciplining your child. Too much and it is considered abuse, too little and you spoil the child. Where is the happy medium?
Does anyone have an answer to that?

Each and every morning my wife calls me about our daughter. Since I am the one who changes her, clothes her and makes her breakfast, and then takes her to daycare/school, I am the one that fills her in on her behavior.
I usually relate how what time she got up, the cute or bad things she did, what she ate for breakfast and a host of other things that are relevant.
Today, since she got up earlier than normal, I allowed her to watch a little television while she ate breakfast at the dining room table. However, she was glued to the set and I constantly had to bring her down to earth and tell her to eat as her school curriculum starts at a certain time.
One such time when I told her to eat, she blurted “Me am daddy, me am.” She said it a little too meanly for my taste. She is getting the disposition of my wife. I told her not to talk to me that way. She looked at me and asked if I was mad. I told her that I was not mad; I just want to make sure she goes to school on time.
Without further incident, she ate her breakfast and we proceeded to her school. When my wife called this morning, an idea formed in my mind. I told my wife that Caris was an A- this morning. Therefore, without further ado, I am going to rate my child’s behavior in my daily reportage to my wife. I think that the rating system will help better establish to my wife how our daughter was on any particular morning. I could expound on it and rate her behavior whenever I watch her. I like the idea.

A while back, while my wife and I were at a restaurant, our daughter told us she had to potty. My wife suggested I take her into the men’s room. I was dubious as I had never done that before.
I walked hand in tiny hand with her to the restroom and was looking at my surroundings to make sure I knew where we were sitting. (Since I am directionally dysfunctional.)
I nonchalantly glanced down to my daughter’s eyes and she was looking up at me smiling, total trust in her eyes, as they should be.
When we ingressed the bathroom, there was a table that you could turn down that allowed you to change your child right there.
It was near the front of the bathroom and anyone that entered (and there was several) could watch me change my daughter’s diaper. I cringed. I noticed all the guys looking at me, which is to be expected, but I thought to myself. What if one of them is taking more than a casual glance? Chances are they are not. BUT, you just never know. The thought repulsed me to my core. Needless to say, I changed her in a hurry and left. As we were walking back to our table, I wondered. I surveyed the room and looked at everyone within my range of vision. How can someone detect deviance in a person? Do you judge people by the way they dress, their mannerism? The simple answer is you cannot. There is no detection, that I know about, that will allow safety. You have to keep your child close to you at all times and it is very sad to think like that.
When I got back to our table, I told my wife that I would change our girl’s diaper anytime at our house or any other house with people we know, but I will not, WILL NOT, change our daughter again in the men’s public bathroom. I explained my reasoning and she agreed.
I know I might be melodramatic, but I will not take any unnecessary risks when it comes to my little girl. Does anyone agree or disagree with my opinion?

How often does your child refuse to help around the house? My wife and I decided a long time ago that as soon as she can grasp the cleaning up after yourself process, that she would help cleaning up her own mess.
It was around two that we initiated it. Some of our family members told us it was too young to start. I asked them when it was too old to start? If you do not start young, you are going to have a heck of a time telling him or her when they are older. By the time they are five their personalities are well established. If they have never been shown or taught how to clean up their own mess, it makes it that much harder.
At first we make it a game and help her with her mess. As she gets a little older we are gradually incorporating that she cleans up most of her mess. Eventually she will have to clean up all of her messes. Will she be happy and want to do it? Of course not! She cries and cries. BUT, I would rather have her cry now then take a temper tantrum later on. That would be unacceptable. Moreover, she learns responsibility. She will come to understand her actions will have consequences. (I do not want to sound like I am a mean father, I am told I am a softie. I am, up to a certain point, and then she must abide with what I tell her.)
At this juncture, I have labeled her messes. From a tropical storm to categories of hurricanes. I look at her mess and tell my wife and daughter that it is a tropical storm Caris, or a category five Caris. The latter suggests that the whole place is a disaster area.
I wonder if anyone else does the same thing.

Children love to think and explore. I try to foster my child’s creativity. This morning whilst I was dressing her for school, I noticed she was gazing at our stucco ceiling. I thought to myself that this would be a great opportunity to see how she thinks. I asked her if she saw any pictures on the ceiling. (Because I know I do, but I possess a vivid imagination.)
She said no, and then she gave a few seconds of ponderous thought and suddenly yelled out, “Cheese daddy!” Cheese?? Well, okay then, cheese it is. Where on God’s good green earth she saw cheese really did not matter. What mattered is she took the time (albeit, only a few seconds) and actually contemplated it. I went along with it to illustrate to her what a great job she did. Moreover, her musings were played out at the dinner table one evening.
Since I am the only one at home that has a goatee (thankfully), my daughter would play a game about it. I call it word association, but you can decide what label it falls under.
Let me backtrack for a moment. The game I will explain to you was played for literally months before we could decipher what word she was using, and I found out the word by accident.
She would say to my wife, “Mommy goatee?” And we would say in unison, “No”. Then she would go around the table and asked me if I had a goatee. Not knowing in the beginning what the heck she was saying, I played along and said no. Then I would ask my little girl if she had (Here I used what word she was using that was far removed from goatee) and she would say yes and then would belly laugh. It was her laugh that was funny, not the fact that I was clueless about what she was laughing about.
Then one day, a few months later, I picked her up to put her in the car seat and she felt my goatee and used the word from the game we were playing, and then it dawned on me what she meant.
Sometimes when children first learn words, you cannot correct them or praise them if you have no clue as to the word being said.
I ask her to point to the object or repeat the word. Oftentimes she gets frustrated with me and displays impatience. I think that she thinks I should know what she is talking about. Ah, the virtues of being a parent.
She has other musings. The other day she saw a fake pumpkin in our house. (No, we have not put all of the Halloween stuff back in storage yet.) She told me it was a pumpkin and she told me that I was a pumpkin. I paraphrased it back to her and she told me yes. So that night all she would call me was pumpkin and thought it was funny.
You have to love children and their musings.
On my other blog I speak about my musings. check it out.

What, exactly is being a father all about? My simple definition is: If you ever have been peed on, pooped on, drooled on, thrown up on and cried on. There are more and I am more than sure mom’s will tell you that that has happened to them too. In this forum, I am discussing fatherhood. I realize mom’s usually take the brunt of most of the things I spoke about.
Being a father entails more than cleaning up after your child. It can become more difficult as your child gets older. It will be a sad day when I realize that my daughter will know math better than myself. She may end up teaching me on different subject matters.
Moreover, I am making her aware of books and their power. A nightly ritual is to be on our bed and my wife and I take turns reading her books. Every once in a while we tell her to read us one of her books. I have even seen her on the couch reading a book. Reading is knowledge and that in turn is power. I will foster her love for books. That is one of the things I do being a father.
Another one is discipline. I invoke it just as much as my wife. I believe in telling your child how things are done around the house without being mean or derogatory. I have a previous post discussing that topic.
Another example of being a father is doing activities with her. If she wants to play dolls, this dad is going to. If she wants me to watch her favorite TV show, I will. If she wants to play fight with me while being Superman and me being Spiderman, then so be it. I want to generate a bond with her. I want her to know that I love her and support her.
Being a father helps me to understand her and learn from her too. It is a two way process. I enjoy spending all the time I can with her.
Being a father is something I take seriously and with great pride.

Currently, I am the only one that is not sick in my family. My wife and daughter each have a sinious infection. Each are taking medication. What I find interesting is I know for a fact that my wife and daughter eat much more healthy than myself. Why do they get sick much more often than myself? Moreover, the sickness is not confined to a sinious infection. If there is something going around, they will catch it. Yes, sometimes I will catch it too, but for the most part, they get sick on a more frequent basis.
I do not really eat that much vegetables and they love them. I eat much more meat (I am a carnivore) than the two of them. Sometimes all I will have for dinner is meat. It does not please my wife that I do that, but meat is where it is at.
My daughter will like something one night and tell us it is yucky the next night. When I try to explain that she ate it the night before, she pulls a stubborn streak on us.
My daughter’s eating habits are confusing to me. Some days she will eat something, the next she will want nothing to do with it, then the next night, she will request what she did not like the night before.
Does anyone else suffer the same circumstances as myself??
Being the only healthy person in the house, as of right now, entails doing more of the work we usually share. That is alright with me as long as the both of them get well quickly.

I have an unusual job where I do not have set hours. I am on call so I can go out now, eight o’clock in the evening or three in the morning.
When that does occur, I am out for several hours or even a day and a half. The time that was meant to spend with my wife and daughter are curtailed. (If you are interested in learning what I do, click here)
When I do go out, I miss my family a great deal. It usually ends up my wife having to do everything associated with raising a child. When I am home, I do my part. I make sure she takes a bath, cook dinner for her and all of the things one would expect being a dad.
Being on the road does give time for introspection. I visualize what my daughter is doing to drive my wife nuts, what she is getting into that she is not supposed to and how she is doing overall. Moreover, I think about what she will be like when she gets older. What her interests will be and what type of person she will be. My wife and I hope to raise her our little girl to have respect and become a respectful and productive member of society.
Yes, she will have her drawbacks, but we are human. I wonder what she will do for an occupation. It amazes me when I look at pictures of her and she how much she has grown in a little over two years.
I think of all those things and more when I am at work I realize how much I miss her and the little cute things she does.
She will tell her dolls to go night night and put a wash cloth over them as a blanket, make believe the doll went poop and have to change its diaper, etc.
It is a special time in your life when your child is growing right in front of your eyes. Cherish it and make it last as long as possible because there is an adult waiting to spring up on you when you least expect it.

George

My daughter is almost three. She will be three in February. She really has not displayed much of the terrible two syndrome until recently. When she does something wrong, and knows it wrong, she will run away from me. When I finally catch up to her, I ask her if she wants to get into trouble and wants a time out. She will either shake her head yes or tell me yes.
I know full well that she understands me. We have had that conversation before. Up until recently it has always been no, she does not want to get into trouble or sit in time out.
What has happened to my little girl? Apparently, she is growing up and learning to test her boundaries. At almost three, I will not give her much boundaries to thwart or wrest control from me. Now is the pinnacle time to set boundaries and have children understand that the parents rule the house and not the other way around.
Much to often I see the opposite. The child controls the parent. That scenario occurs especially in stores. I cannot believe my eyes sometimes when I see the child yelling and screaming and the parent trying to talk to the child. You know what? When that happens to my child, I take her butt out of the store and either go home, or wait in the car with her until my wife is done shopping. I will not put up with that. You, as a parent, do not have to. YOU are in charge.
And you do not have to be mean, or punish your child all the time to get results. Just be firm and CONSISTENT. Consistency is the key.
Another thing that irks me is when I see children wandering aimlessly at the stores or on a street. Where the hell are their parents? I make damn sure I know where my daughter is at all times. When we are at a store, she is not allowed more than a few feet from me. Am I being overly protective? You bet. It takes no time at all for a child to be abducted. Think it cannot happen to you? Get real. Anything can happen.
As she gets older I will let her have her space, but she has to prove to me that she is responsible. It is imperative to keep your children at bay until they master the steps in knowing what to do, should a situation arise.

Having a sick child can cause the environment in your home to change. It makes you more attune to the germs that are spread, the way your child is feeling and the overall mood of the home.
My daughter was coughing a great deal these past few days. She had a sinus infection. She gets them all the time. Usually the doctor prescribes an ant biotitic for ten days and leaves it at that. This time we wanted to find the underlying cause of it. The doctor gave us ant biotitic for twenty days. After that period of time, my daughter is going to get an x-ray done of her anodes. I hope to god we can solve why she gets sick all the time.
Additionally, she is allergic to soy. Do you know how many products on the market today contain soy? Literally millions! It’s hard to construct a suitable diet for her. The side benefit is that she eats healthier. Despite that kind of diet costing more because you have to buy “organic” food, it is worth it to have a healthy child.
My daughter’s is health is my primary concern. It kills me to listen to her cough and having to blow her nose fifty times within a few hour period. Nevertheless, I will do everything in this Father’s power to ensure she gets well.
I know there are far more sick children out there than my little girl is. Children with cancer or another illness, and it breaks my heart to see it. I have donated to a local children’s hospital because my empathy extends beyond my household. I can only imagine what other parent’s are going through. Sometimes it can be a cruel world out there. Sometimes one might think of why their, or any other, child must suffer. I do not have a general response. Theological implications would warrant a look, but that is not for me to write about. All I want is my daughter, and everyone else’s child to get better.

Each and every morning when I am home and not at work, I take my daughter to the daycare/school. There is where she spends most of the day until one of us picks her up.
Caris is so used to me being there in the morning for her that when I am not, she asks my wife where I am. I make her breakfast and give her something to drink and just watch in amazement how much she has grown. She eats, looks at me and tells me something or she asks something. There is usually never a dull moment with her.
The early morning regiment is something I look forward to. I can spend quality time with her and use that time as a father daughter bonding time.
I do not allow the television to be on despite her consistently asking me. I want quiet time and time to share with her. She can watch her favorite television shows when she gets home from daycare. As for the morning, it is our time.
I came home from work this morning after being out all of last night. When she heard the door opening, she ran to the stairs and bellowed my name. What better way to come home from a brutal night of working??
Thankfully, my wife had her dressed already so all I had to do was drop her off. While I did not get to spend some quality time this morning, I know there will be plenty of other times.

On a side note, I have another website. Please check it out. Usually it covers the broad spectrum of human interest.
Click here

Thanks!
George

As my daughter gets older (not far from being three), I notice that her imagination is developing. It is influenced by her parents, the tv shows we allow her to watch and the books we read to her.
Last night she donned a dish towel that we had drapped on the refrigerator. She asked me to put it on her like a cape. I knew what she wanted because she kept calling her self Superman. I told her she was a girl and she should be Supergirl. She was chasing me calling me Spiderman. I let her drop me to the floor and pretended to wrestle with her. She continued calling me Spiderman. The dish towel on her was soooo cute that my wife had to take a couple of pictures.
What precipatated that incident was halloween. I had dressed up as Spiderman and I presume that left an impression on her.
Her knowledge of superheroes is limited, but influenced by me since I have over fifteen hundred of them. She knows only of few of the main heroes by name. She does know that they are good people. I instill good attributes concerning them and let her imagination take over. I was quite surprised when she wanted to have a cape. I did not know she even noticed Superman had one. Perhaps her power of observation is better than I thought. I know her thoughts are developing. She now verbally participates in some of the shows she watches. Some of the shows she watches are interactive which allows her to partake. It forces her (in a good way) to look at the characters, understand and interpret their meaning and respond.
Moreover, some of the other shows we limit her watching has no participation and is inanne. I would rather watch her grow in contemplation, comprehension and the augmentation of her creativity. If that show does not match one, if not all, of my qualifications, then I suggest to her that she looks at one of her books or I would read a few to her. She always prefers the latter one. She likes when my wife and I read to her. We make it a nightly ritual to read to her. That helps her foster her curiousity and knowledge.
I hope everyone takes the time to help their child grow through reading, watching the proper shows and limiting their time watching tv.

George