Girl hair
I may as well just say it: I have no idea what I?m doing with girl hair. If left to its own devices, Gracie’s hair looks like she had just gotten two million volts. It sprays wildly across her face and shoulders, giving her the look of one who is seriously mentally ill. I try to put into a pony tail, but most of it falls out only a couple of hours later. But I?m working on it. I’m learning girl hair.
The first step is the combing. You’ve got to psych yourself up for this, because it’s going to hurt her, and that sucks. I use one of those combs with the wide teeth. I’ve found that if you sort of hold the hair in your hand and let it take up the resistance offered by the fisherman’s knots she ties in there over night, you can save her a bit of agony. But it doesn’t always work 100%. This is why she runs away from me screaming, “Nooooooo!” whenever she sees the comb. Recently, I’ve started singing a little song while I comb her hair. Amazingly, it keeps her calm. It goes:
Knots, knots, get out of her hair
Knots, knots, get out of there.
Now, she says, “Will you sing ‘Knots’” I don’t question why it works, it just does.
Next, you’ve got to figure out what you?re going to do with it, once you’re done torturing her with the comb. I usually go for the single ponytail. Gathering up her Medussa-esque locks and then wrapping them up in the tiny little scrunchy thing requires manual dexterity that Penn and Teller would envy. Have you ever seen an adult woman effortlessly do a ponytail on herself, without even looking at what she’s doing? That woman is amazing. The single ponytail sounds easy, but it never works for me. The last time I tired it, in fact, one of the Library-Story-Hour-Moms said to me, “That’s a daddy hairstyle if I’ve ever seen one.” Busted.
One option is pigtails. This style is both easier and harder. Easier, because you’ve got less hair to corral at once, and harder because GETTING THEM EVEN IS LITERALLY NOT POSSIBLE. Seriously, just do it once, and call it a day.
Finally, my favorite hair solution: The hat. Just put it on and you’re done. No screaming, no fuss. Plus, everyone says, “Oh, what a cute hat.” This is why God gave us hats if the first place. Use them.
I know I should get one of those books that teaches teenage girls how to make braids and stuff, but if you’re a 34 year old man buying those, you’re just creepy. As for Gracie…let’s hope she likes the short look.
February 6th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
This is funny because I always said when my dad did my hair I had the “dad ponytail” where it is low and not tight enough.
Now I tease my husband that he does teh dad ponytail too.
But tehre is nothing sexier then to see my husband do my daughter’s hair.
February 10th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
My dad did the “dad ponytail” thing, too! The really funny part, though, is that I didn’t really learn much about doing girls’ hair until I had my daughter! I was always something of a tomboy, and kept my hair cut short all the time!