Fatherhood

I read an article titled “Rational Parents Equal Rational Kids” today and it really clarified a major difference I see between good and bad parents. Not all rational parents are good and not all irrational parents are bad, but I think the majority of each fit into those categories pretty well.

Written by a psychotherapist, the article supported my main premise of parenting: we should be raising adults instead of children. Children raised by irrational parents more than likely turn out to be irrational parents themselves and perpetuate the cycle.

I think we can all agree there is an overabundance of irrationality in the world. I spent the majority of my 20’s being irrational before continual introspection led me out of the dark. Now that I have broken the cycle inherited from my parents, I have the tools to raise my children the way I want to instead of making the excuse of “that’s how I was raised”.

The article goes on to list 9 ways you can become a more rational parent, outlined below:

1. Listen to your kids and evaluate what they are saying

Though it may seem children talk just to hear the sound of their voices, they are really seeking approval for the things they do. By truly listening to your kids, you not only gain the ability to give them sound advice, you also open the door for being a trusted adviser throughout their lives.

2. Think of all the choices that you have in offering advice or direction.

Many parents I know answer their children’s questions with a simple “yes” or “no” and move on. These parents are missing a valuable opportunity to teach your children to think for themselves. Thinking out your advice before giving it usually leads to the best advice and teaches children to think things out when faced with tough choices.

3. Ask them questions, and challenge in a teaching way, why that may or may not be a good idea.

By asking your child questions, you let them know you are really listening and that you care about the outcome of things they are experiencing. Further, playing devil’s advocate provides them with good advice that allows them to choose their own route and further reinforces thinking things through.

4. Offer stories about rational thinking. Give them an example of a bad choice that you made and how you made a better one and life was better for it.

As long as you aren’t preaching, children love to hear stories about your life. And let’s face it, we’ve all got stories of failure and bad choices. Sharing these stories shows your children that you are human, that you’ve been through the same things they are facing and somehow, you managed to live through and grow from them.

5. Remember all mistakes are opportunities to learn for you and your child.

Instead of yelling or being quick to punish your children after a mistake they’ve made, take the opportunity to clearly show the moral of the story and ask how they could have done things differently. Let them talk about it and gain insight into their thought process and worries.

6. Be the thinking you want to see in your child, provided you have insight into yourself to know your thinking is rational.

Thinking things out with your child will eventually lead them to think more rationally for themselves, allowing them to be a leader and not fall into groupthink. Irrational people, especially children, are looking for something to follow, which usually leads to trouble.

7. Work on yourself and your own personal growth daily.

Finding the time to work on ourselves isn’t always easy, but the rewards are tremendous for both you and your children. Growth doesn’t always have to come from mistakes. The surest and quickest path to growth lies in searching our own minds and hearts.

8. When you fall as a parent pick yourself up. Allow for mistakes. That is the key to rational thinking.

No matter how much we soul search, we are still going to make mistakes at times. It’s part of being human. I personally enjoy making mistakes and to a lesser extent, failing, as it teaches me something new about myself and prepares me for the long line of risks I plan on taking throughout my life. Two things I want for my own children is the ability to get up after being knocked down and to be risk takers. Risk takers, despite the failures, are the ones who succeed in life.

9. Enjoy the parenting journey. It ends all too fast.

This is a great piece of advice that many parents ignore. Enjoy the good and the bad, they are both facts of life. I don’t get too personally wrapped up in my children’s failures because ultimately, they don’t affect me. I try to always just enjoy the journey of parenting as it’s one of, if not the most rewarding experiences in life. Saddling yourself with your children’s problems can only take joy out of the experience and teach your children that someone other than themselves will be there to solve them. Relax. Let it go. And enjoy watching them grow up knowing you’ve done your best to help them be good adults.

Discussion Points:

• Do you think rational parents make better parents?
• Do you think irrational parents raise irrational adults?
• Do you think we should raise kids or raise adults?
• Do you agree or disagree with the list?

fatherhood, rational parenting, behavior