The Subtle Affair
Bowden McElroy, marriage counselor and fellow blogfather, recently spoke about emotional affairs on Growthtrac.
When I became a father, I didn’t stop being a husband. For my wife and I to be effective parents, it’s vitally important that we maintain a healthy marriage. That task becomes much more difficult with children. Parenting is consuming, and it’s easy to neglect the marriage in favor of the child.
I’m a child of divorce and extra-marital affairs, and I’m certainly not alone. Affairs have become so commonplace that infidelity seems to be expected and even tolerated. How else could Friends have survived? Knowing my background, infidelity has always been a fear of mine. Which, apparently, is a good thing:
‘If the question is, is anybody free from being at risk? The answer is no. We’re all at risk. We all have ups-and-downs and in marriage we hope that commitment stays. But sometimes passion comes-and-goes. I think anybody’s at risk if they don’t watch their boundaries. To set yourself up and say it could absolutely never happen to me, is a little arrogant. I think we’re all capable of sin.’
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Growthtrac
Fatherhood and marriage are not mutually exclusive.
November 3rd, 2006 at 1:25 am
I agree, Jared. I liked Bowden’s comment that “One of the biggest boundary issues we can maintain is there will be no secrets: no emotional secrets, no financial secrets, no secrets of any kind.”
Communication, mindfully and thoughtfully with your spouse is a good first step to making sure that there are no secrets, that there is trust and security in confiding to your partner.
Best wishes, CP