Third Wheel
One of the more difficult challenges facing new fathers is the strong sense of isolation during the pregnancy and a child’s first year. It’s easy to feel as though you’re intruding, or inconsequential. Neither is true, but men don’t often have the community of support and encouragement that women tend to enjoy.
Men don’t talk much, but we’re learning.
In the meantime, Lisa has offered a few tips for the father who’s feeling a little lost. These are good suggestions, but I’ve added a few twists of my own:
You canbring the baby to your wife for feedings, allowing her to rest in bed.Helpchange diapers.- Hold the baby and comfort her
when she is fussy. Take a turnbath[e]ingthe baby.- Encourage and support your wife
as she learns how to breastfeed. - Have your wife pump so that you can take over a few of the feedings.
If mom needs quiet time for a nap,take the baby out for a little walk.
Are you seeing a trend? As I said, it’s good advice; but it doesn’t go far enough. These tips assume that a father’s role is primarily supportive, which is initially true, and a good place to start; especially if you’re feeling left out. But a father is part of a whole, and goes beyond helpful.
The best advice I can offer a new father is to become involved. Begin by looking for ways to help, with the goal of becoming an active and intentional part of your child’s life.
The second-best advice I can offer a new father is that babies are soft and bendy. Don’t worry: you won’t break them.
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